If this was Jeopardy, that would be the answer to 'What I do everytime I find myself getting choked up".
Which is very often these days. Or maybe the Jeopardy answer would be "Like Living in a Hallmark Card" the winning question being "What's it like getting ready to have your last child graduating and getting ready for college?"
You know the feeling well, don't you?
We've seen the college, attended the family seminar titled "From Parent to Partner" (Yeah, thanks and now I'm all set to step aside and go from mother to pal. Uh huh.)
I'm losing sleep, tossing and turning about how she'll do and how she'll be living OUT THERE. And when I do get to sleep, I'm fraught with bad dreams about the school and the new life and then I wake up overcome with feelings of fear and some sadness. And all the time, in my waking life, I'm telling her how proud I am of her and how happy and excited I am that she's moving on to this next chapter. (I leave out the 'without me' part).
Does this sound too pitiful?? Too self-indulgent? Damn straight. But just for now... I know I can't escape the inevitable and that really, truly it is a GOOD thing... It's just taking a while to adjust to....
And since I'm not the only one going through this, I invite you to share how you're feeling. After all, maybe you're doing just great! Stupendous!! Marvelous!! In which case, you'll be an excellent example for those of us who are, shall we say, struggling a bit. Or a lot.
So, take a big gulp and tell us- how is it for you?
Monday, June 18, 2007
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
June 24.
ReplyDeleteThe big Graduation yesterday. Got through better than anyone around me thought I would. Mostly because I decided at some point this week that I had to stop connecting with how I felt and start focusing on what this was all like for Catherine... and all the kids, for that matter.
Plugged into that yesterday when I was seeing them all lit up like holiday lights, happy, proud and feeling like they could rule the world.
Of course we (the moms) were carrying the bag of mixed emotions holding on to each other for mutual support and encouragement.
It occurs to me, with a little shiver of panic, that the college departure will be much more difficult if only for the absence of the shared experience. We won't be on bleachers shoulder to shoulder with our friends and co-horts but alone in our cars (or under our beds) without the band of mothers to hug it into being okay.
What are we going to do instead?
This is an email I got from a Mom with two grown kids...
ReplyDeleteI will share with you what I did to get me through the away to college thing and what helped me through the separation. I have off and on through out the years keep journal books for my kids someday but for the now they were my therapy. I took a journal book with me as we took our kids to the towns and states that would be their new college homes(frightful places some of them were too!) and start of a new life own their own. well the crying that will be for all of the moms...but as we pulled away from my waving child/new adult and I was saying 'what is wrong with you Tom... don't you feel terrible, why aren't you crying, turn around we made a mistake I want my baby back. I don't want to be alone with you I want my kids...' Then of course he replies... 'Yu are nuts they are not kids they will be fine...' Well, I took out my pen and my journal book and began writing and writing and writing ...from Maine for my son the first to leave and my Amy from Oswego I wrote and wrote... my feelings, my love for them, my happiness for them and my confusion for me, my fears, my hopes, my proudness... Well, you get the picture. These words now books under my bed... the Brian book and the Amy book got me through the first year ....every trip there every trip back every sleepless night I had I wrote my expressions of love and prayers for their safety and happiness. Night after night for months I slept with the book under my pillow and a tissue too. Still to this day I occasionally fill in a page or two with an update or dig out the books under my bed and read and cry when I read the entries I wrote.
Give it a try. Go to Borders and buy a blank journal book. I still have never shared these books with any of my kids... even started a book from the day my daughter told me she was pregnant... well someday they will have them and say... mom really was a total kook!
Mom to Mom hugs to you from me. You will survive !
Susan
To us Moms
ReplyDeleteYes we will survive, and this too shall pass. But will that wave of emotion pass when your driving alone in the car and you think of their childhood. My youngest graduated on Saturday, but I guess I am fortunate, both of my children decided to attend college on the island, is it good or bad?
We are at a new path in our life as everyone keeps telling me, ENJOY. I will as time goes on. I will miss the days of sitting on the bleachers discussing our childrens life, and sharing everyday occurance with each other. Let's celebrate our new beginning.
Be proud girls we did it!
Jacki
My husband mentioned yesterday that we are halfway through the year … and I responded “yep, and Megan leaves in 6 weeks”. He broke down and cried. And I looked at him and said “I know exactly how you feel”. It was a rare moment that someone else cried and not me.
ReplyDeleteThere are days when I’m so excited for her I could burst! What a fantastic time of her life she’s about to embark on! Then, I think “NO, DON’T GO! I haven’t told you everything yet. You still need me to protect you … help you make decisions … pick your classes. You aren’t prepared yet – and you may make a mistake!”. Then I come back to the real world. She can protect herself, make decisions, pick classes … and she’ll even MAKE MISTAKES!!!! Isn't that why she's going in the first place?
In reality - I'm concerned about what I'LL do when she's gone. I was so heavily involved in her High School life (Sports Boosters, Parents Association, Major Fundraising Event - even chaired it one year, Class of 2007 Parent Rep.) that I was awarded the school's first ever "Outstanding Parent" award. So, NOW what am I supposed to do?
I agree - we'll survive this - and we'll show our children that we are the strong, independent, capable women they think we are. They just won't see the moments where we are the "pile of goo" at home missing them terribly and questioning our existence.
Cindy – thanks for creating the blog … sure feels good to sit with a few other moms in the bleachers for this one!!!!
As I lay in bed one night, it suddenly came over me - Caitlin is leaving in 1 month! I began to panic and then the tears started. I found myself getting a bit unconsolable. How do I let go of my daughter? A person who means more to me than anything in this world. She has been my constant.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny but I feel sometimes as though she has taught me more about life than I have taught her.
She is such a wonderful human being and I'm going to sorely miss her.
Don't get me wrong, I'm also so excited for her. She is going to school to fulfill her dream of becoming a teacher. Some lucky child will have the pleasure of being taught by my daughter some day. I think she will be such an asset to the education of this country.
Talk about mixed emotions. I'm sad thinking about her leaving yet happy to know that my daughter has decided to continue her education. I hope I can get all of my emotions in tact. I just keep telling myself, I'm not the only one going through this process. I hope that with time, I can get used to this very big change in my life. A change for the better right?
DRY RUN!
ReplyDeleteYesterday, I dropped Megan off at Salisbury U. so she could start her "Freshman Experience", Whitewater Rafting in North Carolina. I considered this my "dry run" for late August!
I was amazed at how focused on the task Megan was this past week. She had to work a TON of hours ... and seemed pressed for time getting ready for the trip. But she was diligent in her packing - and actually gave me a list of 'last minute' things she needed - asking VERY POLITELY if I could pick these items up one evening while she was at work.
I dropped her off yesterday morning. She handled "me" very well. She asked me to come into the building to help her "register". Then she asked me to help her put her luggage in the van. When that was done, she very sweetly and firmly hugged me and said, "OK mom, this is it ... you should go". Wow!
I made it about 4 blocks before I gave out one HUGE, wrenching sob. That was all I allowed myself for now. She'll only be gone a week - I pick her up next Sunday. The BIG ONE is coming - August 23rd.
On my 2 1/2 hour drive back - I spent a great deal of time "mulling" things over and discovered a few things:
1. I'm singing my daughter's praises that she is jumping into this next adventure of her life with such exhuberant anticipation. It's EXACTLY what I want her to do!
2. I'm REALLY thinking about what I want to do - beginning in September - once she's gone. I'm developing quite a comprehensive list (I may have to get another job!). Not I just have to decide where to start.
I'm happy I've had this "Dry Run" - it really helped me see what I'll be facing in the next weeks. I'm going to let things happen as best I can ... and not try to muddy the waters too much. And on August 23rd and 24th - I'm going to DEFINITELY allow myself more than one wrenching sob! I'm kind of looking forward to a serious, messy cry!
Oh, and she's been texting me since about noon yesterday!!! Can't let go!